


I'm Permanently Black and Blue (Permanently Blue For You)

by unholyminter (oneswhonever)



Category: The Ultimate Sidemen
Genre: Aftermath, Alternate Universe - College/University, Ambiguous Relationships, Dark, Hallucinations, Insanity, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Out of Character, Past Rape/Non-con, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-11 02:12:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11139123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneswhonever/pseuds/unholyminter
Summary: Before and after Simon Minter's death.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is going to be particularly dark and is going to contain a lot of moments that are certainly out of character for the boys. Keep in mind that it's just a story, and an AU no less, and is not meant to be taken seriously - or reflect on what I personally think/believe about the characters. It's purely fiction.

_9th September 2016; 2:15 am:_

 

 

"Guys, I really don't think we should be doing this," murmured Vik, lingering several feet behind his friends. JJ and Simon were the only two who had successfully jumped the fence so far (Simon had an unfair advantage due to his height and lengthy limbs). It was Harry's turn, and he dropped his bag to the ground with a thud, before stepping into Josh's waiting palms, fingers locked together, and being hoisted up into the air. "Seriously, what happens if we get caught?"

Harry landed upright on the other side of the wiry fence, and wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans. "It's a bloody nature center, Vik. We can do whatever the hell we want. Get your ass over the fence."

Vik was perfectly content in the parking lot, but he knew his friends were going to get him over one way or another. He stepped forward, placing a wobbling hand on Josh's shoulder, before allowing himself to be lifted into the air. Once he was high up, he placed his foot in an opening of the chain-link fence, and swung his other leg over the top. When he attempted to make a safe drop to the ground, his pant leg snagged on a haphazardly situated link. He yanked it away with a force, and tumbled to the ground, landing hard, face first, into the dirt and kicking up a cloud of dust upon contact. 

"Fuck's sake," he groaned. Pools of blood were beginning to surface within the scrapes on the side of his face. He clambered to his feet, which was a easier task once Simon extended a hand to help him up. "I don't care where we are, Harry, it's still called trespassing."

"Relax, man," quipped Tobi, from the other side - still in the parking lot as Ethan took his turn at hoisting himself over the fence. "If we get caught, which is very unlikely considering this place is  _deserted,_ then they'll just tell us to leave. No big deal."

Vik was not soothed, but he stood by in silence as he watched his friends climb the fence, all with success. From beside him, Simon was leaning on his shoulder. They shared looks every so often, and for what that was worth, Vik could tell that his friend wasn't totally present. He kept any and all remarks to himself. He knew Simon wasn't going to talk about it, and especially not in front of the other guys. He opted instead for taking and squeezing Simon's hand - which gained him a crooked yet genuine smile in response. 

"If you two are done being gay," began Ethan, the last to jump the fence. Vik quickly withdrew his hand, and Simon smiled. "I'd like to get going. We only have a few valuable hours of moonlight left."

They began their trek up the trails, which they all knew fairly well. Since they were young, the nature center had been a destination for many class trips. The details of where exactly everything was were hazy, but they knew where they were going and the quickest way to get there. It was a lot of walking uphill, tripping over tree roots and dodging poison ivy. Josh and Simon had more height on them than the rest of the boys, and were often ducking their heads to avoid being smacked in the face by dangling branches.

"The world was built for hobbits," Josh remarked at one point, as they approached a precariously situated tree trunk. It was toppled over in such a way that it was too high to step over, but almost too low to duck under. They both had to slip low to the ground to perform this feat. "Why could we not have gone around?"

"It's a shortcut," replied JJ shortly, trying to show off by jumping over the trunk, sticking the landing perfectly. Any opportunity to show off, and he would take it. "Josh, the sooner we get there, the sooner the party starts."

The party, as it were, was reaching the very peak of the trail - the highest point they could get via trails. It also happened to be the site of a quite murky pond, that was infested with mosquitoes and lighting bugs. There was a small fountain that provided filtered water, which would be essential later in the night, for fear of dehydration happening during these occurrences (it had once, and sitting with Ethan in the hospital at four in the morning had been less than ideal). 

"You've got the beer, innit?" Harry asked Josh as he plopped his bag down on a log, withdrawing a plastic baggie filled with small joints and edibles. Josh nodded. "Good man, my man."

Josh reached into his bag, and began withdrawing cans of beer - passing them around to his friends. Typically the majority of them preferred stronger drinks (vodka or Jagermeister, typically), but considering they were in possession of weed this time around, the alcohol wouldn't be the star of the show. They were more inclined to smoke pot than anything else. 

Everyone began to light up, and the musky scent was quick to fill the air. It smelled like a cross of skunk and rubber. No one minded, as they were all used to it by now. Most everyone preferred to smoke, and when they did, they got a lot more friendly with one another. They had been best friends for years, but pot certainly brought them all closer (Simon had once impulsively kissed Ethan while high once, and Ethan actually _didn't_ break his jaw). 

"We need to make a habit out of doing this," mused JJ, twiddling a short joint between his fingers. 

"We do," remarked Tobi, inhaling the air deeply. "But I agree. No offense, Josh, but this knocks the hell out of smoking in your apartment. This air...guys this is _amazing_ , we should go camping."

Ethan laughed shortly, strewing himself over Harry's lap - to which his friend absently began threading his fingers through Ethan's hair. "Please, Tobi. You know none of us would last more than a night out here. I'm fine with reserving this spot for our sessions."

"Sessions," Simon also laughed from his spot next to Josh, and raised unsteadily to his feet - his legs wobbling as he took the moment to stretch them out. He wandered, paced, for a few moments, his deep eyes moving rapidly between his circle of friends, all sat on logs or on the ground. He laughed again. "All this fuckin' smoke is getting to me, lads."

He paced some more, walking several feet away from the ground and staring off into the horizon. He was no less than four feet from the face of the cliff.

"Sit down, man," said Vik. Instead of being high strung like normal, the pot had done a good job at making him relax. It always did. "I can feel your nervous energy from way the hell over here."

Simon looked over at them once more, before going closer to the edge. In one, swift movement - he was gone.

...

_"SIMON!"_


	2. Chapter 2

_10 September 2016;_

 

_"You'll never set foot in my room again,_

_You'll close it off, board it up,_

_Remember the time I spilled a cup of apple juice in the hall,_

_Please tell my mom this is not her fault."_

 

***

 

The room buzzed with an uncomfortable silence accompanied only by the whistling of the wind outside of Simon Minter's window. This room would remain unoccupied, until the Minter family made their move. Josh found it insane that they were already talking about leaving the town - not twenty four hours after their son's death. 

Josh had not gotten used to this idea just yet. He had not come to accept the fact that Simon was dead - gone forever. He would never get used to seeing his bloody, mangled body. Having literally seen him jump off a cliff. Having been able to  _hear_ the sickly crunch of bones...he knew, before they even saw the body, that Simon was dead. There's no way he could have survived such a fall. The cliff hadn't been  _that_ high, but it was definitely high enough. 

Josh just couldn't wrap his head around _why_ Simon had done it. In front of all of his friends, no less.

Josh had stayed home from school that next day, his stomach coiling with icy cold nausea. He felt sick to his stomach, and coming to Simon's house was arguably one of the worst decisions he had ever made in his life. Breaking in probably wasn't all that smart, either. If Simon's parents had even been home, they wouldn't have let him come inside. This was the only way, and when he had initially come up with this plan, it was to get closure of some sort. 

Closure? A day after he died? No such thing. 

Simon's room was just how it looked before he died. Now, however, thick dread hung heavily in the air. Every other time Josh had been around, it hadn't been that way. Just like Simon himself, this very room had always been of comfort to Josh. Sitting there and talking to Simon until three in the morning over moscato and getting  _so_ wine drunk that their stomachs vibrated, falling asleep in his bed together - all these memories played like a broken record in Josh's head. The fact that they would never share such a moment again made him dizzy.

He sat on Simon's bed, but felt sick even doing that. This bed held so many memories. This was the first place he had Simon had ever...well, that memory was essentially irrelevant. Josh couldn't think about that memory without feeling dizzy.

He looked around the room, which was pristine as always. It had a place for everything, and everything was in it's place. Not a thing had changed since Simon was fifteen years old, and that was the blonde for you - finding a comfort in familiarity. Hardly anything in his life had changed, and he had had the same plan for himself since he was thirteen. That plan started with getting out of Europe and moving somewhere, anywhere, else. 

That never happened, and now it never would. 

Josh's fingers skimmed the bedside table, which was the only place that Simon allowed a little bit of mess. There was a box of tissues, his docking station for his phone, a water bottle that still had liquid in it, and a frame photograph. The photo was several years old at this point, from when the boys were sixteen and seventeen years old. It was taken at the front gates of Alton Towers, which is where they held Vik's seventeenth birthday party (which may have been juvenile, but that's what he wanted). All seven of them plus Vik's long time boyfriend, Lachlan, were present. 

Simon and Harry were in the very center of the photo. Simon's hair was red at this point in time, the subject of a bet that he had lost. He had a big grin on his face, and either arm was wrapped around Harry and Vik. The photo wasn't of the best quality, but it still sparked a vivid mental image of that day in Josh's mind. 

His ears started ringing, and with one quick swipe, he knocked the frame over, face down. He couldn't even look at Simon's face without darkness clouding his mind. He still held the same urges that he did for the boy as he did when they were thirteen - shirtless, alone in the dark...

"Josh?"

His head jerked up. His eyes, that had been previously burning into the tipped frame, were now locked with Harry's - who was lingering in the door frame. "Jesus, mate - don't fucking do that."

"Sorry..." murmured Harry, and he shivered as he stepped further into the room. Josh could tell that being in the room was making him uneasy. "What the fuck are you even doing here? Simon's 'rents aren't here."

"What are _you_ doing here?" Josh countered instantly. Harry didn't seem to have a response of his own. "I just...I don't know. I thought being here might help me come to terms that he's...not here anymore. It's really not working."

Harry absently nodded his head, looking around the room - eyes landing anywhere other than on Josh. "Yeah. Well, listen - I don't think Simon's parents would appreciate us being here...maybe we should go."

_You love me, Simon, don't you?_

"What?" Josh hissed out loud, eyes burning into Harry, whose eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "What the fuck did you just say?"

"Uh...nothing?"

_Course I do, Josh - you know I do._

Josh stood up, and within a second had crossed the room in a few long steps. When he was there, he grabbed Harry hard by the collar of his shirt, his grip unrelenting as he slammed him hard against the wall. The room shook in protest, and a poster from above came tumbling to the ground. If anything, it only succeeded in fueling Josh's sudden rage.

"Shut the fuck up, man," Josh hissed lowly, his face inches from Harry's. "You don't know what the fuck you're talking about!"

_Then, you'll do it, won't you? You wanna make me happy...don't you?_

"Josh - I didn't say-!"

Without even a second's worth of consideration, Josh raised his fist and hit Harry _hard_ ; hard enough for his head to smack back and hit the wall. Blood quickly pooled from his nose, and dribbled past his lips. Seeing the blood reminded him of seeing Simon's mangled, broken body. So, he hit Harry again. And again, and again, and again. His mental compass spun uselessly, and the only direction he could think of taking was to  _hurt_ him. 

And he wasn't even sure why. 


End file.
